Life Adventures

The feelings around the loss of a dog unites many of us together.  Grief is a very raw emotion and is so powerful that there are even stages associated with it - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Add to this that our beloved dogs generally live a decade, if not longer with us.  How does one lose a 12 to 15 year old child? The answer is - not well, not well at all. Those who don't know this kind of love and connection may not understand.  But for those of us who live this life, we all relate.  What complicates and differentiates this process even more is that the owners have the responsibility to make the right decision - all the way up to the bitter end.  This responsibility creates its own wave of emotion ranging from anxiety in wondering when to make the decision, stoicism to not let the dog perceive any hint of sadness, fear of what is to come, depression that more can't be done, concern if they are in any pain, regrets of not s...

One positive of the summer, Logan is still with us! While I have pondered how or if what we are doing matters for Logan, I am reminded of this one miracle that defies scientific explanation.  There was an occasion the last week of August when Logan looked very weak. I looked into his eyes and the life wasn't there.  I thought he was telling me that he's done.  He was also starting to swell a bit, measurements were up about an inch at the waist and the ribs.  I figured it was total shut-down.  Naturally I called Patti right away.  She recommended a specific remedy we hadn't used before.  I didn't ask any questions about it.  The next day,  his measurements were still up and I was deflated that the remedy hadn't worked, although he did appear less weak.  Patti had asked me to update her so I gave a call.  I told her that there wasn't anything positive to report in the measurement and that only his energy see...

In my last blog, I touched on the feelings of guilt I have writing that Logan is still with us while others have recently lost a beloved family member.  Even since my last post, 2 additional dogs that I saw compete in agility have now passed on.  Yet Logan remains.  I harbor the unwelcome anticipation of when it will be my turn. In the meantime, I continue to write what I am learning, as perhaps this is the point of Logan’s long last chapter.  I call it the “teach Stephanie and pay it forward chapter.” Last blog I touched on physical symptom awareness.  This entry is about the nutritional component. There are so many opinions out there, often diverse, and it will send your head spinning.  Just like treating a dog with allergies, there is trial and error.  The “error” part of this equation is what makes me crazy.  I put a lot of expectation on myself not to make any mistakes. But for this liver failure issue (due to the cancer), here is what...

One week and 2 days have passed since Logan's miraculous recovery, and the news remains positive.  Logan's girth has remained a steady 27 inches - no distension.  His energy is good, and he is happy.  However, this impressive turnaround occurred against a backdrop of sadness, with stories of loss flooding Facebook and text messages this past week.  Numerous friends either lost a dog or were close to a dog that passed on.  Another friend received terrible news regarding a sibling.  The juxtaposition of Logan's triumph over death got me questioning why we got so lucky. After entertaining the thought for a moment, I realized, it is not the right question.  It's normal to benchmark and compare our situation to someone else's.  It's only human to think to yourselves that you hope the tragedy someone is going through doesn't happen to you.  While this might not read as a compassionate thought, the fear of s...

The definition of miracle in and of itself implies there is a transcendence from the world we know to something more powerful.  A miracle is defined as “ a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.”   There are many, especially in my field, who believe there are no such things as miracles.  Yet here I sit, on and Easter Sunday, with Logan by my side.  I’ve had an epiphany, that perhaps miracles do exist. You simply have to know where to look.  In fact, in thinking back over my life, the tenderest mercies have come through the life, and the death, of my dogs.   Last Monday, I am sure of what my eyes saw.  Logan was getting distended, uncomfortable, his gums were grey.  The downturn was evident.  Also, I was sure what my ears heard.  The vet said Logan was leaking sludge into his body.  That today would be better than the next...

The hope is gone. Logan's time here is now down to a day if not hours. His liver has failed him.  On Sunday his abdominal cavity began to fill with fluid, and it continues to fill.  We reached out to see if the homeopathic route could offer us a Hail Mary. On Tuesday night we made an 11pm run out to Wegman's to grab 2 homeopathic options to try and help restore some liver function.  I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I did anyway.  Each day I measured his abdominal cavity and each day the numbers came back worse; 30.5in, 31in, 32in, and finally, 33in.  Unless something miraculous happens by morning, I believe after tomorrow he would start to become uncomfortable and be at risk for seizure or trouble breathing.  In this case, I'd rather be a day too early than a day too late.   I've heard it said that easy decisions make a hard life, and hard decisions make an easy life.  This notion stems from the old adage that through afflictions we gain...

My Christmas wish came true.  Logan celebrated another Christmas with us.  This miracle made the holiday extra special for me.  I normally don't get too deep into the festivities, but this year, I soaked up every sentimental drop I could squeeze out of the 3 days we spent at home preparing for the day.  I want to remember every moment and even found myself taking fake photo memories with my hands to permanently etch in my mind some of the magic that happened during this time. First and foremost, on the Christmas Eve walk at Deep Run, Logan ran up the big hill after a squirrel.  Sure, he never reached the point of building real momentum, but the desire could not be misperceived as merely wishful thinking on my part.  He truly was present and he made his presence known.   As we rounded the corner at the top of the hill, the fellow dog walkers approached and Logan has learned that these particular dog walkers are like pez dispensers, disseminating a...

Logan went in for bloodwork Oct 2017.  I was concerned because we had seen a slow-down.  Still, mother's intuition told me that something else was off.  Even though he had his blood tested 3 months prior, I asked again for the tick test.  He's always been Ehrlichiosis positive. When the vet, Dr. Gottshalk came in, he told the technician not to run the tick panel (not realizing that I had asked for it).  The technician had already done it.  Luckily she did. Logan came back positive for Lyme's.  The vet was ecstatic.  Not because Logan had Lyme's per say, but because, as he said, "This is something I can treat." We started Logan on doxy and he showed increased energy and improvement.   But he started to stink.  Patti said that the antibiotics cause dampness, and especially with dogs in Logan's condition.  So, we gave him an herbal to take to reduce the dampness once he was done with the doxy. We also started him on a new liver form...

Mom wanted us to come up to put the fire pit together for her.  On the way we stopped at York River State Park to walk the trail around the marsh. The trail starts across the street from the guard shack, and offers some pretty views. It took us about an hour and 20 minutes to walk it Logan pace.  Normally it would take about an hour.  Logan did well, and at the end, on one of his shortcuts at a switchback, he headed into a ravine of mud.  Russ ran to stop him but he hopped a log and kept right on going to catch up to me. Fortunately only his paws got covered. When we reached Sandbridge, we decided to hit the beach before reaching my parents.  Logan was tired from the earlier walk so we didn’t go far.  It was also pretty windy out.  It was worth the stop just to get these few moments of him running on video.  Logan Nov Sandbridge video

He made it through the heat.  That was our greatest concern.  It was more time in the stroller, more time swimming, and less time hiking.  For those of you following Logan's naturopathic treatment, I'll provide some updates. In July Logan was to start astragalus to build the immune system.  After 5 days he had GI upset.  We waited 2 weeks and then reintroduced it more slowly and at less dose.  Still, after 5 days he had GI upset, which took us about 2 weeks to correct.  Thereafter we still went ahead and put him on the liver formula, a powder designed to stop metastasis.  For 3 weeks, on alternating days, we gave him about a quarter of the dose (if that).  Again, we ended up with GI upset.  Thus, we made the decision to just stick with the core program and take it easy on the supplements.  In the last analysis, he was feeling good on the core program and not symptomatic. At the end of August he had acupuncture with Pat...

....it was another ill one never wants to experience..... Saturday July 29 was a beautiful July day.   The heat wave finally broke bringing with it temperate 75 degree weather.   Logan hadn’t been getting out as much because of the heat, so we decided to take the opportunity to walk his favorite park and let him meander on the trails with us.   Logan has always liked to take shortcuts through the woods.   I firmly believe that switchbacks have a certain scent because Logan knows exactly how to sniff them out and shortcut through them.   We walked along a familiar switchback and Logan wasn’t at the end of it waiting for us.   A wave a panic ensued.   Russ went into the woods to retrieve him.   Logan was coming towards us, stopping along the way to eat grass, and seemed to be choking on something.   He then vomited, and he kept pulling for grass.   His breathing was labored and I noticed that his belly starting looking full.   “N...

A Ridgeback friend reached out for some guidance when she found out her dog had prostate cancer.  I was hopeful that she would achieve the same results I've had with Logan.  She was hopeful as well.  And yet, it's not how things worked out.  Her poor dog's situation was too far advanced and too aggressive and within a week he was gone.  I was heartbroken for her.  I felt so guilty that I had encouraged her to have hope.  Yet being the super sweet lady that she is, she responded to me, "Stephanie, there is nothing to feel sorry about.  It was good to have hope."  Not only did these words bring tears to my eyes, but it was an example of human nature at it's kindest.  This woman, while hurting immensely over her loss, had the presence of mind, and strength of heart, to mend the pieces of my heart back together.  Of course, since then I ask myself, "how did I get so lucky with Logan?"  We are now 7 and 1/2 months pa...

Logan enjoyed his sheep herding days.  I don't have video for when he actually received the certificate in Perry Ga which was in 2006.  I do have this memory, however.  I was in the Toyota 4Runner and had the window down.  When Logan saw the sheep, he jumped out the window.  Because he loved it so much, we decided to let him do it again albeit years later (2011). While I do have video below, one memory I did not capture on video occurred when we walked him towards the sheep herding pen to see Braddock's sister, Xena, go for her certificate.  When Logan caught site of the sheep, he knocked me to the ground, I got tangled in the leash, and dragged me to the gate.  People ran over immediately to make sure I was OK.  It was like the scene from Seabiscuit, but amazingly I survived without injury.

It was time to drive to MD to see Patti for Logan's next treatment.  The cool weather allowed us to make a day of it.  We went to Sky Meadow for an early morning walk.  This time we took North Ridge Trail up and came down Piedmont so we could see the view. On the Piedmont decent, Logan made at least 10 successful attempts of a run-by.  The thrill of running a few strides fixed an unforgettable smile on his face, and ours. I did give plenty of breaks to take pictures, but since Braddock was not cooperative I made him take an extra one with me. We did spend another hour walking the Snowden Trail through the woods, where there was shade and a little more breeze.  Logan spent so much energy doing his Zoomies down Piedmont that he initially protested the turn to Snowden Trail.  But, after a few treats, he kept up just fine. The gratitude for today was how much energy and playfulness Logan had.  He truly felt good today.   

I wanted one more trip with Logan.  I don't want to think about this being the last trip, and I hope it isn't.  I only knew that I wanted one more.  And now that the trip is over, I am consumed by the aftershock of still wanting one more.  It's been 8 years, and finally we return to a place we've always enjoyed visiting.  I call it the dog resort.  Everything is tailored to the dogs;  dog beds, dog towels, dog sheets for the furniture, private fenced yards, dog treats, dog doors, doggie gates so they can stay out on the deck with you.  The property itself is dog heaven; a few acres completely fenced with a lake in the middle.  The owner makes you feel right at home. In the kitchen there is a welcome white board with yours and your dogs' names.  She shows you how to work the fireplace, the hot-tub, internet password, etc. In the past we've stayed at Diva's cabin, but this year we chose Lacey's cabin and we prefer the...

It was deja vu, but then again, it wasn't.  We had been to Graveyard Fields before. Eight years ago to be exact.  I remembered every stream that Russ carried Phineas over.  I remembered Phineas's impatience as we picked blueberries. I remembered Noel's verve. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and it seemed like yesterday.  Here is the passage of time captured in photographs. Sometimes there really aren't words, and only pictures. I remember well the breathtaking scenery The old men bringing up the rear The primitiveness of the trail, a reminder one is in the Blue Ridge mountains Likely to be Logan's last visit to this exquisite place, we reminisced about the Bryson City trip where we stopped at Looking Glass overlook and just soon after, Logan threw up a corn cobb in the car.  That was a surprise to us all, especially Phineas who was covered in projectile vomit and he wasn't happy about i...

For my own memory and to help those who may be in need of similar help one day, I thought it best to record some specifics on Logan’s treatment plan. What were our first steps after diagnosis? Refer to the post on Dec 13, 2016 for changes we made after our first visit to Patti.   In addition to the changes mentioned in that post, Patti recommended a specific Chinese Herb we were on for 3 weeks.   Thereafter, she changes the formula based on his current status.  Here are some pics of the products mentioned in the December post.  Patti recommends these brands and to give the pills in their separate from rather than in a combined pill format that you find in some vet offices: liver support liver support cancer support What are some additional things we do?   We’ve made some diet changes.   The dogs get ½ an egg 6 nights a week.   That amounts to 3 eggs per week, which Patti said is the right amount.   We also fix a specific ...

March 2017 We visited one of our favorite parks, Sky Meadows.  Weather had turned bitter cold this weekend, but we were staying in Winchester for the agility show and the park is only 30 min away.  When you watch the video clip and see the dogs excitement as we arrive, it might make a little more sense why we are willing to freeze ourselves for a hike here. Now, the first day we came, I  hiked up the grassy hillside on the North Ridge trail and back down the Piedmont.  Probably a bad choice given the harsh wind and cold.  If I had chosen the woods, we'd been protected against some of those harsh elements.  Poor Braddock's ear tips split open as I didn't have his snood on.  The positive thought is that Logan was able to complete this 1 hour hike without difficulty. On the next day, we walked the full loop starting at the South Ridge Trail, then turning left on North Ridge to Appalachian, then the fields of the Ambassador Trail, a...

The park isn't our favorite, but there's a nice ride along the James River to the parking lot.  The trail runs along the river to offer some breath-taking views. We chose this location because it's easy to push the stroller for Logan and close to StonyPoint mall which is dog friendly. The headline for this blog really is simple.  It is February and Logan is still doing well.  It is amazing how well he has adjusted to the stroller.  His favorite game is hopping in, popping out his head to face me, and holding up his paw indicating he wants a treat.  After the park, the dogs get to go to StonyPoint and visit the dog bakery for some treats.  They also get tons of pets from local shoppers.